Twist of Fate by Lynn-Marie

When I look back, I wonder how I could have got it so completely wrong. Did I only see him the way I wanted him to be? I always thought he looked at me in a way that said he wanted to be more than just good friends. He made me feel good when he laughed at my jokes and gave me compliments. He was always there for me. We were inseparable through college. We had so much fun and studied hard together. Did he really flirt with me, or was it just my imagination. I used to believe the only thing that kept us from being anything other than platonic, was my belief that I was happy with my boyfriend.

As summer approached, however, my boyfriend and I ended, abruptly. I found out he had been cheating with an ex-girlfriend and I realised there was nothing to hold us together. At the same time, I felt Jake and I were drifting apart, as college had ended and we’d both got summer jobs. The less I saw of him, the more I wanted to see him. Now that he wasn’t there everyday, I really missed him and our college days together. I needed to talk to him, to tell him how I felt and find out if he felt the same. Could this be the start of something? As we had planned to meet up soon to go to a friend’s birthday party, I knew I had a week to try and find the confidence to talk to him. Time passed slowly, and the week dragged on. Saturday felt like months away, not days. I played the scenarios of us talking, over and over again in my head, like recordings, each with a different ending. Some good, some bad. Self-doubt was starting to creep in. Negativity. What if he wasn’t interested in me anymore? What if I’d made him wait too long? What if he was interested in someone else? As Saturday finally arrived, I wasn’t sure what to believe, or expect.

Then, as if Jake could read my mind, a message popped up on my phone. He told me that he was really looking forward to seeing me and that he’d missed spending time with me. Seven o’clock couldn’t come fast enough, hope had been restored. I spent most of the afternoon smiling at his message and imagining romantic endings to our evening. After what seemed like an eternity, there he was waiting for me. As I crossed the street to meet him, I had no control over the rush of emotion that took over me. I couldn’t think straight. I knew it was now, or never. As I pulled him in close for a hug, I could feel my heart pounding. I looked up at him and those deep blue eyes were looking at me so softly. Words started flooding through.

“Jake…… I’ve really missed you and want to spend more time with you."

“Yeah, I’ve missed all the fun stuff too, Olivia. It just seems like all work and no play at the moment."

“Yeah...but, I want more than just the fun stuff Jake, I want us to be more than just good friends……part of me feels like it’s missing when you’re not around."

Oh my God, please say something Jake. Why are you looking at me like that? Please don’t say you’ve found someone else. But the message, he has really missed me too.

“Olivia……I can’t do that. We’ll always be just good friends."

I’ve left it too late, no, I can’t believe it. Why would he say that?

“Why can’t you do that Jake? Are you interested in someone else?” Please say no, please say no.

“That’s part of it Olivia, I have met someone, but...”

“But what Jake? I thought you’d always liked me...I thought me having a boyfriend was the only thing that stopped us from being anything more than just good friends?"

Why does he look so pained, so conflicted?

“Jake, why are you looking at me like that? Just tell me, why do you look so upset?”

“I’m so sorry Olivia, I didn’t mean to……I……I……didn’t realise you……I……can’t……I can’t be your boyfriend Olivia……I've wanted……I wanted to tell you so many times. I’m gay, Olivia. I’m gay”.